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The human bonding process is the sharing of time, talent and treasure. The sharing cultivates relationships which can range in depth from a social acquaintance to enduring love.;[23][24] Indeed, it has been said that love is the bond of perfection.[25][26] Human bonding can be considered as a process in and of itself or it can be viewed in a broader perspective as a component of the metamorphosis of a relationship from superficial to substantive. It can be transcendental, that is, the development of an acquaintanceship into a friendship and possibly into an enduring loving relationship. In this respect, bonding, that is, the sharing of time, talent and treasure is one of a number of factors that coalesce in the formation of a relationship. The critical components of sustainable relationships that differentiate the superficial from the substantive dictate the influence of the bonding process on the development of the relationship. In other words, the qualities that are essential to an enduring loving relationship and the characteristics or qualities of the different types of love, that is, sensual erotic love, phileo love and agape love determine the extent of the bonding process.[citation needed] Sensual erotic love Sensual erotic love is the brain’s response to messages from our senses, that is, our eyes, ears, our olfactory sense and our sense of touch. It is the brain’s response to a fabulous face; a certain smile; the sound of a voice; the touch of a hand; and/or a fragrance. The intense physical attraction, passion and elation that may occur are not the result of directed behavior. Rather, it is a physiological sensorial response causing our endorphins, especially dopamine, to be activated in a natural euphoria.[27] The stimulating effect of sensual erotic love is readily apparent and recognized. The passion stimulates the desire to want to be with, see, hear and touch the person. Sensual erotic love cannot be fabricated; its formation is beyond the control of the conscious brain. That is not to say that sensual erotic love cannot occur as a relationship based on phileo and/or agape love matures. Sensual erotic love is spontaneous, while phileo and agape love, are conscious and deliberative processes. Human bonding may occur as part of sensual erotic love where the bonding takes the form of physical interaction. While the significance of sensual erotic love cannot be overstated, if this type of love does not transcend into and intertwine with phileo and/or agape love, it is ephemeral and will not endure A desensitization process occurs that diminishes the sensorial response over time. Just as the brain spontaneously creates the passion of sensual erotic love, the brain diminishes the passion.[citation needed] Phileo and agape love In contrast to sensual erotic love which is spontaneous, phileo and agape love are conscious and deliberative processes. Phileo and agape love take time to evolve and in many respects are like a garden requiring cultivation, nurturing and germination to blossom into a substantive relationship. It is in phileo and agape love that human bonding is critical to the loving relationship. The core qualities of the relationships include the sharing of time, talent and treasure. It is the sharing that is of great importance in the development of the relationship. In the process of sharing, other core qualities of phileo and agape love must be present, including five interrelated qualities: commitment, respect, honesty, loyalty and communication. There must be commitment to the person and relationship. Respect for the person encompasses respecting the person’s ideas, feelings, space, body and property and includes honesty and loyalty. Communication is essential to the bonding process.[28] In the absence of the development of the foregoing qualities during the bonding process, it is unlikely that a loving relationship will survive, unless it is unconditional or agape love. In addition, selflessness, affection, caring and understanding are qualities that are essential to an enduring relationship. Evaluation of the relationship during the bonding process is required to determine its sustainability. The relationship can be scrutinized for the qualities of mutual respect, honesty, loyalty, communication, consideration, understanding and selflessness in order to assess its sustainability. When many of the foregoing qualities of phileo and agape love are not present, it is not likely that the bonding process will result in an enduring relationship.[citation needed] Sharing and communication The mechanics of bonding involve sharing and communication. Sharing common interests, such as hobbies, travel, music, reading, cooking, sports, cultural events and many other activities is the foundation of the bonding process that cultivates a loving relationship. Sharing also enhances the communication process which aides understanding and provides the opportunity to express affection, caring and selflessness. The sharing of time in doing things together, in discussing all topics, and in respecting each other’s ideas and feelings are significant to sustaining a relationship. The presence of compatible values, interests and attitudes facilitates the development process. If there are no common interests to share, the relationship is severely limited. Bonding cannot occur and phileo and agape love cannot be developed in the absence of sharing time together and doing things that are mutually enjoyed.[citation needed] |
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